bittersweet stasis

I’ve started reading a book called “The Midnight Library” by my favorite author, Matt Haig. It’s about a 35 year old woman who decides to kill herself because nothing in her life is going right, and she feels she isn’t needed by anyone. But before she actually dies, she’s in between life and death- in […]

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I will (always) let you down.

I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been the best sleeper though. But lately, for months now, I stay awake until anywhere between 3am-7am. I can’t make my mind slow down. There’s always thoughts flowing in and out, swirling around and suffocating me. It’s nearly 5:30am, and I’m writing this post and crying too. My […]

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the glass box.

I shouldn’t be awake right now. I should be sleeping… but I’m haunted again by one of my worst memories. My eyes try to release it as much as they can. My tears understand. My pillow is damp. I’m frozen. I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep until I let this out. I wanted to leave […]

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el sol saldrá de nuevo.

I’m so cold. I’m losing my soul. Where did you go? I’m staring up into the sky. Asking myself why. Is this really goodbye?   The building we built. The tower we scaled. I couldn’t have imagined it. It was a thing of beauty. You were right before my eyes. An image of true love […]

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how did you know to get out of a world gone mad?

Where did you go?   I can’t stop crying. I opened this post up to try and release something that’s stuck inside of me- like using a spatula and trying to scrape dried gum off of a table. I’m sitting here, my t-shirt and lap full of my own tears. I have nothing but white […]

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you are the ocean, and I am broken.

I am overwhelmed. I am broken. I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to convey my thoughts into a coherent sentence. I am on auto pilot. I am broken. I am broken. I am broken. I want to write a post. I do, I really do. […]

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rest in peace, mom.

My mother unexpectedly passed away on January 19th. My heart is shattered. She and I may not have always had the best relationship at times, but losing her is a pain I can’t describe. I will write a more in-depth and emotional post later. Right now, my family and I could use some help financially. I […]

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Being Borderline means…

Oh… where do I begin? Endless uncertainty. Constant anxiety. Emotionally exhausted, to the point that it makes you physically exhausted. Deep sinking fear of the unknown. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of other peoples mood’s being ruined by you. Little things triggering you that normal people would brush off. Sensitivity that burns through your core. […]

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A Decade to Remember.

There’s a loud voice inside my core screaming at me to write. It’s been over a month. These days seem to go by so fast now. The year is nearly over. Everybody is doing their picture comparisons between 2009 and 2019. I’m attempting to do so, but I haven’t found a picture of myself that […]

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