rest in peace, mom.

My mother unexpectedly passed away on January 19th. My heart is shattered. She and I may not have always had the best relationship at times, but losing her is a pain I can’t describe. I will write a more in-depth and emotional post later. Right now, my family and I could use some help financially. I […]

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you don’t deserve a thing, imposter.

My life feels fake and not real. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel alone. I guess maybe most people do. I don’t know. Am I selfish for believing most don’t? Others may hide it better. Then again, I feel like I hide my emptiness and aloneness pretty […]

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you couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show.

Day in and day out, you’re tangled in this intricately endless web you’ve woven through your life. You weren’t aware of this web you’ve been weaving though. Over the course of time, little by little, the silken threads you used have become tattered and frayed, but they refuse to break or tear. You are solemn. […]

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one cold night lived endlessly.

Sitting with myself is hard. Me, myself, and I. It’s lonely here, and my moods are unpleasant. I’m trying to listen to my therapist. I’m trying to do what she said. To just “be.” To sit here and just be in my emotions, even if they’re uncomfortable. Just feel them. Stop avoiding it, stop masking […]

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Being Borderline means…

Oh… where do I begin? Endless uncertainty. Constant anxiety. Emotionally exhausted, to the point that it makes you physically exhausted. Deep sinking fear of the unknown. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of other peoples mood’s being ruined by you. Little things triggering you that normal people would brush off. Sensitivity that burns through your core. […]

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A Decade to Remember.

There’s a loud voice inside my core screaming at me to write. It’s been over a month. These days seem to go by so fast now. The year is nearly over. Everybody is doing their picture comparisons between 2009 and 2019. I’m attempting to do so, but I haven’t found a picture of myself that […]

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pull my trigger.

I’m trying to neatly compose my thoughts together, but the thought of that alone is incredibly overwhelming. Everyone keeps saying I’ve made so much progress in my life, that I’m strong, that they’re proud of me for overcoming what I have. They say I’ve grown and changed into a better version of myself… so why […]

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lost, still not found.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written- well over a month. I haven’t had the energy to find the words to say to convey the heaviness that circles in my mind. I try journaling on pen and paper to get these feelings out, but it doesn’t help much. This may not, either. The silence is loud. […]

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retrograde / regress

Is time moving backwards? Is all the progress I’ve made falling away? Maybe everything I thought was progress really wasn’t anything. It’s either going in reverse, or it’s frozen. Frozen in time. I’ve locked myself up in every sense. It’s hard to open up again… I mean, it was never easy. But I felt my walls […]

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