dancing with the devil

Little one With your silken flesh Open your eyes You’re no better than the rest You dance with the devil Under the dim lights With a hundred voices telling you, “It’s time to end your life.” Little one You can’t bury the pain As much as you beg for solace There’s no hope for you […]

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sparkling grey, you’ve gone away.

Where do I begin? Do I start with the present? The way my skin tingles, crawls, bleeds and burns? The way the endless tears stain my pillowcase and my face? The way my chest caves in on itself and I suddenly can’t breathe? Who could—who would—love someone like me? The flaws I carry are too […]

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beginning of the end.

my reality turns to stone don’t you know that I’m all alone? I can’t handle another thing said so please… spare me the reasons the sound of my own heartbeat clawing and erasing my essence there was a time when I could breathe and not feel the weight of the world suffocate me I once […]

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fell for these empty eyes.

I’m so full of life, and yet I’m hollow. I watch as the life is drained before my eyes. The mirror fades to black slowly while I try to remember what happiness looked and felt like. I don’t remember… I see nothing, and I feel nothing. Tear-stained pillow; my only company. In the stillness and […]

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benevolent sun.

The sound of my heart beating drowns out the fan on my dresser. My vision is blurry, but not due to tears. My bedroom is still. Everything is still. 24 hours ago, the ground beneath me shook. Everything was moving. I felt sick and my equilibrium was off. It felt like it lasted forever. I […]

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Diagnosis: Terminal

My dissociation is bad today. I can’t focus on anything, not even writing this. I’m attempting to at least write a post though so I can ground myself to something. My heart is beating fast, my anxiety levels are high. I want to run away. I always want to run away. Why do I want […]

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Unfounded Zeal.

I’m home. I’m in my room. I’m stripped down in nothing but a shirt and a sweater, and I lie here in bed, alone. My favorite vinyl spins as the song that has been cemented to the inside of my brain plays on. I’m staring out the window from under the lonely warmth of my […]

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The Sun Shines but It’s Dark Inside.

Today is the first time in a bit where I just wanted to stay under the covers. In any case, I haven’t left my bedroom. I feel heavy… so heavy. I don’t have the strength to pick myself up. I feel like everyone has walked away, passing me by as they have more pressing matters […]

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