bittersweet stasis

October 11, 2020.Reading time 13 minutes.

I’ve started reading a book called “The Midnight Library” by my favorite author, Matt Haig. It’s about a 35 year old woman who decides to kill herself because nothing in her life is going right, and she feels she isn’t needed by anyone. But before she actually dies, she’s in between life and death- in […]

I will (always) let you down.

September 21, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been the best sleeper though. But lately, for months now, I stay awake until anywhere between 3am-7am. I can’t make my mind slow down. There’s always thoughts flowing in and out, swirling around and suffocating me. It’s nearly 5:30am, and I’m writing this post and crying too. My […]

Protected: “I’ve done so much and think of only you.”

September 16, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

I miss the colors of the world.

August 22, 2020.Reading time 6 minutes.

It’s been 2 months since I’ve written a post. I’m sitting here trying to find the words to say, and it’s depleting my energy quickly. My head is cloudy, and my hands feel so heavy. I don’t want to type. I don’t know what to say. I have moments in the day where I feel […]

The ocean will remain.

June 21, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

Reality and dreams, nothing is ever as it seems. I don’t know what lies beyond the horizon. I’m closing my eyes, imagining all the possibilities. Calculating every choice and every decision I could make. It’s overwhelming… but I’m still breathing. I’m alive. When the dark clouds of misery wash over me, and I feel the […]

the glass box.

June 16, 2020.Reading time 10 minutes.

I shouldn’t be awake right now. I should be sleeping… but I’m haunted again by one of my worst memories. My eyes try to release it as much as they can. My tears understand. My pillow is damp. I’m frozen. I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep until I let this out. I wanted to leave […]

fade away into the dark where no one will see.

June 9, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

Conceal it, don’t feel it. Don’t let it show. Don’t let them know. These things I feel… they don’t matter. But I feel them anyway even though they mean nothing. Nobody really wants to know what lies beyond the surface of my skin. Perhaps I tell myself this to save everyone else from getting pulled […]

el sol saldrá de nuevo.

June 2, 2020.Reading time 9 minutes.

I’m so cold. I’m losing my soul. Where did you go? I’m staring up into the sky. Asking myself why. Is this really goodbye? The building we built. The tower we scaled. I couldn’t have imagined it. It was a thing of beauty. You were right before my eyes. An image of true love […]

crossing the street to find home.

May 24, 2020.Reading time 9 minutes.

Somewhere in time, I remember the very first time I felt alone. I’ve spoken of it on here, so I won’t go into so much detail. But I was a little kid, I must’ve been 7 or 8. This sudden all-consuming darkness washed over me, something that to this day is still very hard to […]

Unlock me, release me.

May 15, 2020.Reading time 4 minutes.

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve had alcohol. Sometimes it’s hard to drink… it reminds me too much of my mother and her addiction to it. I do my best to separate my experience from hers though. I don’t drink to drown out the demons in my head. I wish […]