A Decade to Remember.

There’s a loud voice inside my core screaming at me to write. It’s been over a month. These days seem to go by so fast now. The year is nearly over. Everybody is doing their picture comparisons between 2009 and 2019. I’m attempting to do so, but I haven’t found a picture of myself that […]

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pull my trigger.

I’m trying to neatly compose my thoughts together, but the thought of that alone is incredibly overwhelming. Everyone keeps saying I’ve made so much progress in my life, that I’m strong, that they’re proud of me for overcoming what I have. They say I’ve grown and changed into a better version of myself… so why […]

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lost, still not found.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written- well over a month. I haven’t had the energy to find the words to say to convey the heaviness that circles in my mind. I try journaling on pen and paper to get these feelings out, but it doesn’t help much. This may not, either. The silence is loud. […]

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retrograde / regress

Is time moving backwards? Is all the progress I’ve made falling away? Maybe everything I thought was progress really wasn’t anything. It’s either going in reverse, or it’s frozen. Frozen in time. I’ve locked myself up in every sense. It’s hard to open up again… I mean, it was never easy. But I felt my walls […]

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wish that I could be someone.

Subtle nightmares plague my waking thoughts, day in and day out. I can’t begin to describe how uncomfortable it is, being awake as they crawl underneath my skin. I can’t get them out of my body; they’ve fused with me. The nightmares have overtaken my thoughts and have made a home inside my brain. They […]

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dancing with the devil

Little one With your silken flesh Open your eyes You’re no better than the rest You dance with the devil Under the dim lights With a hundred voices telling you, “It’s time to end your life.” Little one You can’t bury the pain As much as you beg for solace There’s no hope for you […]

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sparkling grey, you’ve gone away.

Where do I begin? Do I start with the present? The way my skin tingles, crawls, bleeds and burns? The way the endless tears stain my pillowcase and my face? The way my chest caves in on itself and I suddenly can’t breathe? Who could—who would—love someone like me? The flaws I carry are too […]

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