I Will Not Abandon Ship.

Life has been feeling mundane lately. All I do is work, then go home, sleep, rinse and repeat. I still haven’t found meaning in my life… What’s wrong with me? I can’t be the only one who feels this way though. I feel debilitated by fear, these invisible chains holding me back from reaching anything. […]

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Her Vacant Eyes, Black Holes; Am I Losing You?

I often find myself at a table inside a coffee shop with the intent of writing a post. I order my drink, sit down and open my laptop. Then boom… All my inspiration is gone. Why does that happen? Even writing these sentences, I don’t know where I’m going with it. I am empty. I’m […]

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There’s A Stranger In Me

I’ve lost myself in everyone else but me. My own soul doesn’t live here, it hasn’t for some time. It’s sad and it’s frustrating… I feel empty constantly. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I struggle with these two things: unstable sense of self, and chronic feelings of emptiness. My therapist tells me I need […]

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Shame Still Circles Beneath Me.

Been having the worst writers block lately. I’m trying to force myself to write, but the shit that comes out hardly makes sense to me. I had a bit of a meltdown last night, alone in my room. I haven’t cried as hard as I did in a long time. It’s like everything I’ve been […]

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Change My Attempt, Good Intentions

You may think I’m weird, that’s okay. I’m writing this at the Roxy Theater in LA. I’m waiting for 10 Years to take the stage. I came here alone. That’s also okay. I’m used to doing things alone. Earbuds in my ears to protect what hearing I have left (ha), overpriced 12oz beer in hand… […]

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Waiting in the Wings

Today would’ve been K and I’s 5 year anniversary. A bittersweet day, indeed. January 23, 2013… That’s the day I knew he was the one for me. He had tried to ask me to be fully committed to him prior to this day, but I was unsure because I was still healing from a previous […]

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One More Year You (Haven’t) Stole.

Here I am, this soul that lives inside a sack of meat, blood, flesh and bones. A floating brain that drifts and wanders through life. What am I? Who am I? Will I ever really know? I’m beyond somber today. Today is a day of reflection, a day of loneliness and confusion. A day to […]

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Run Away (Take It All Away)

In all of my moments, all of my fleeting moments… The emotions that flood over me, the ones that are black and white; the colors of my tears that change faster than you could take another breath; the agony of another thought that pushes me under my skin, the place where I want to get […]

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New Beginnings, New Ways to Understand.

Every year, I buy a new journal to write in. I need a clean slate from the writings of the prior year. However, I forgot to buy one for 2018, so my first entry will have to be on my blog. I’ll buy one tomorrow. It’s wild how the years go by so fast… you […]

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Diamond in the Rough.

There are so many things I want to say, but they are confined underneath my skin. They are suffocating with each thought that passes by. They want someone to hear them, but the forcefield of my own being refuses to let them go. If only I could let them go… I will try to release […]

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