You know, I thought making a blog would be fun. But honestly, I don’t have much to write about. Not to mention, anything I have to say holds no interest to anyone.
My inspiration for everything and anything has seemed to disappear. I have ideas, and just as soon as they appear, they fade away.
The theme of my life seems to be me finding somewhere to call “home,” and just as soon as I seem to be settling, I want to get up and run away again. This is currently happening as I type this.
My whole life has been unstable. From the chaos in my childhood into my adult life, to moving so frequently throughout my life, nothing seems permanent. And now when I fall into that dark place, I just want to flee away from wherever I am, alone. My abusive ex-boyfriend liked to maliciously point this out to me. He’s not wrong, I guess.
I don’t know what my intention is/was for this blog. I guess it was just something I thought was a good idea in the moment. But I’ve found the weight of my words have no real importance. People don’t want to read about tragedy.
Perhaps this is a moment of dismay.
All I know is that all the hurt that comes my way has pooled itself inside my chest, and holding it in is all I can do. Opening the floodgates doesn’t seem to help. Nobody wants negativity in their life, and it seems when I open myself up to find relief, everything I’ve said is judged and forsaken.
So I won’t say anything anymore, in fear of “sapping” peoples energy…
Thank you for reading what posts I had written.