Diagnosis: Terminal

June 28, 2019.Reading time 8 minutes.

My dissociation is bad today. I can’t focus on anything, not even writing this. I’m attempting to at least write a post though so I can ground myself to something. My heart is beating fast, my anxiety levels are high. I want to run away. I always want to run away. Why do I want […]

Burn the Pages; Relive the Pain.

April 29, 2019.Reading time 6 minutes.

All the medication in the world couldn’t elevate me to where I want to be. There’s so many moments, days and nights all throughout the years that I’ve tried to suppress. I’ve blocked them out because to look back and see those awful things swirling above my head like the darkest cloud is just […]

Time Is Telling Me, “This Is Gonna Hurt.”

November 14, 2018.Reading time 10 minutes.

Isn’t it wild that it’s already November? The years go by so fast now as I get older. A strange phenomenon. Life seems to pass by slowly as a kid, because that’s just the beginning of your life. As we age, we have more of a past that we can reflect on, thus making it […]

Hello, I’m Still Here…

October 14, 2018.Reading time 9 minutes.

The change happened gradually. I couldn’t tell you when or where it began. It’s just one of life’s fleeting moments now… but why does it slip into my mind so often? Is my subconscious trying to relay a message to me now, 16 years later? At least, that’s when I really started to noticed it. […]

I Can’t Change Who I Am…

July 17, 2018.Reading time 7 minutes.

Reflecting on my life, I see a pattern when it comes to people. People I like, people I love, people I’ve tried too hard for… it feels like I try more for them. I try to make them like me and want to be friends/lovers with me. I’m seeking validation in possibly the wrong people. […]

I’m A Call Without An Answer…

July 9, 2018.Reading time 10 minutes.

I’m a shadow in the dark, trying to put it back together, as I watch it fall apart. Nothing Makes Sense Anymore – Mike Shinoda / Post Traumatic I stood in the pitch black darkness. I was staring into the pacific ocean, on the Salt Creek beach in Dana Point, where I (mostly) grew up. […]

Talking To My Shadows.

July 7, 2018.Reading time 16 minutes.

Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Do you see me? Can you hear me? I’m looking into the dark and I thought I saw you there. I swear I did. I heard a familiar voice. It went away. You were there, too. But you went away. I can’t think of you or talk about you without […]

Master Of The Mystic (Dark and Unstable) Arts.

July 1, 2018.Reading time 19 minutes.

I had a strange upbringing. Stability wasn’t a theme in my life––figuratively and literally. Most people I’ve encountered have only moved once or twice, others haven’t moved at all, and have stayed at their childhood home and never left their hometown except for college. I didn’t have that luxury. I moved more times than I […]