b & w

How do I feel? I’ve been here before, I’ve felt this. Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this. Keep it all down bottled inside, it breaks me. To torment again, and torture me like it used to. Change / Staind / Break the Cycle I feel like I’m on fire. The […]

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Time Is Telling Me, “This Is Gonna Hurt.”

Isn’t it wild that it’s already November? The years go by so fast now as I get older. A strange phenomenon. Life seems to pass by slowly as a kid, because that’s just the beginning of your life. As we age, we have more of a past that we can reflect on, thus making it […]

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Find Your Own Way Out.

I’m sitting here alone. Wanting to be somewhere but not sure where. Wanting to be around someone, but wanting solitude. How can those feelings exist at the same time? How do I sit with someone and say few words, and not feel uncomfortable and awkward? How can I have everything I want without feeling like […]

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Pirouetting Into My Prison.

There will never be enough blog entries to fully describe the indignation, anguish and hollowness that swirls inside of myself. I try over and over to drain it from my soul. I keep writing, hoping the next post will be the one that gets it all out in the open, far away from my cold heart. […]

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Hello, I’m Still Here…

The change happened gradually. I couldn’t tell you when or where it began. It’s just one of life’s fleeting moments now… but why does it slip into my mind so often? Is my subconscious trying to relay a message to me now, 16 years later? At least, that’s when I really started to noticed it. […]

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Holding Onto To What I Haven’t Got.

I know the better part of me is smart, logical, nimble, and quick in my mind. I’m aware of what’s happening around me. I can process this information and let it coarse through the neurotransmitters, synapses and retain the information. I don’t forget when it really matters. But then there’s the other part of me… […]

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Lovesick.

It’s been one of those days––which I do frequently have––where I feel unmeasurably emptier and heavier than normal. I’m not sure when it snuck up on me today. Perhaps it’s been building. I hate it. I can’t stand it, and I wish it would go away. I didn’t welcome it inside me. But as always, […]

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Blissful Paradoxical Disguise.

I see you… You watch me from the corner of the room. You watch me from the depths of my soul. You gaze ever so sinisterly in my direction. You want it all to end. You want me to give up. My emotional shadow is too much for you. You want to swallow it whole […]

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The Void.

I look at you. I look down. I look at myself. I look away. I try to meet your eyes, but the path into your iris is dead. I think I killed it on my end before we locked our visions together. The road is lost. I laid it to rest because why try when […]

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I’m Never Gonna Be Your Sweet Surrender.

I’m tired. I’m in so many levels of pain. I long to go somewhere else other than the security of my room. But it’s all I have, there isn’t a second home. No other place to rest my head when I’ve had enough of my own solitude. No other place I can go retreat to […]

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