right or wrong, barely holding on.

January 27, 2022.Reading time 7 minutes.

TW: self-harm, suicidal ideation

let the rain fall and erase me.

April 6, 2020.Reading time 4 minutes.

TW: talk of suicide and self-harm.

how did you know to get out of a world gone mad?

March 30, 2020.Reading time 6 minutes.

Where did you go? I can’t stop crying. I opened this post up to try and release something that’s stuck inside of me- like using a spatula and trying to scrape dried gum off of a table. I’m sitting here, my t-shirt and lap full of my own tears. I have nothing but white […]

Crossing a Line to the Other Side of My Mind

February 26, 2019.Reading time 6 minutes.

(trigger warning: self-harm) My heart is pounding. I can’t slow it down. I can barely breathe. My head is reeling. I’m at war with myself. Yes, you all know this. I minimize it though, so I don’t worry you. I don’t want or need your pity. I know I have the strength in me to […]

Find Your Own Way Out.

November 8, 2018.Reading time 3 minutes.

I’m sitting here alone. Wanting to be somewhere but not sure where. Wanting to be around someone, but wanting solitude. How can those feelings exist at the same time? How do I sit with someone and say few words, and not feel uncomfortable and awkward? How can I have everything I want without feeling like […]

“Are You Even Present?”

August 30, 2018.Reading time 7 minutes.

My therapist asked me this yesterday. It took me a long time to realize that I am, in fact, not present in my life. I’m grateful. I’m grateful. I’M GRATEFUL. I swear to fucking god, I’m grateful for what I have. But… The darkness in me is telling me otherwise, though. I keep closing my […]

Cannot Be Reconciled With Wisdom, Justice And Love.

August 11, 2018.Reading time 15 minutes.

“I’m stuck in this bed you made Alone with a sinking feeling I saw through the words you said To the secrets you’ve been keeping It’s written upon your face All the lies how they cut so deeply You can’t get enough you take And take and take and never say No- You’ve gotta get […]

Blissful Paradoxical Disguise.

August 1, 2018.Reading time 6 minutes.

I see you… You watch me from the corner of the room. You watch me from the depths of my soul. You gaze ever so sinisterly in my direction. You want it all to end. You want me to give up. My emotional shadow is too much for you. You want to swallow it whole […]

Master Of The Mystic (Dark and Unstable) Arts.

July 1, 2018.Reading time 19 minutes.

I had a strange upbringing. Stability wasn’t a theme in my life––figuratively and literally. Most people I’ve encountered have only moved once or twice, others haven’t moved at all, and have stayed at their childhood home and never left their hometown except for college. I didn’t have that luxury. I moved more times than I […]