ode to a borderline.

August 23, 2021.Reading time 13 minutes.

I want to write. I’ve got so much on my mind. But also, my emotions are so intense that it’s hard to articulate these thoughts. The days and nights have been a blur. Don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. I feel lost and broken. Time has slowed down, like those early mornings back home […]

one day we won’t feel this pain anymore.

August 19, 2021.Reading time 4 minutes.

But you have to hold on.You have to have patience. I have to say this.I might explode.This isn’t mega Amy speaking.This is me, speaking from deep within my heart.These thoughts and feelings are flooding out of me.They need to spill out.So here we go.I’ll say it here. I want to scream it from the rooftops, […]

trapped inside the looking glass, tell me when will all this pass.

August 11, 2021.Reading time 4 minutes.

I’m waiting.I’m fading.I’m floating away.Don’t really want to see another day.But I’m going to stay. If I’m going to stay, I need reasons.I need reasons… big and small, if I’m going to stay alive. I don’t hear voices in my head, it’s not some kind of hallucination.But there is one voice that is so vicious […]

you were waiting in my sullen dream- my reality.

August 8, 2021.Reading time 12 minutes.

TW: suicide

my reply.

July 11, 2021.Reading time 4 minutes.

“A willingness to try…” How do you tell someone you both want to try, but also will give up constantly and wish to die?

over and over in my mind.

June 12, 2021.Reading time 1 minute.

you’re ugly.you’re alone.you’re unlovable.you’re already unloved.you’re not worthy.you’re nothing.you’re worthless.you’re useless.you won’t amount to anything.you’re better off dead.you’re a burden.you’re broken.so very broken.you’re not wanted.you never will be.they’re all lying to you.listen to me.only to me.I’m your only friend.I’m your worst enemy.you can’t get rid of me.I’m here forever.you’re uncomfortable.you can’t get away.I’m all that […]

This isn’t a suicide note.

March 19, 2021.Reading time 3 minutes.

Everyday I wake up with this existential dread, like why am I alive? Why bother? What’s the point? What am I even doing? There’s no place for me in the world. I’m not needed. I am of no significance. Sure people will miss me, but they’ll all move on with their lives. This void is […]

shadows of you.

January 25, 2021.Reading time 6 minutes.

I love writing. I hate writing.I love life. I hate life.I love myself. I hate myself.I love you. I hate you. One thing is for sure, I hate this month. Last week was the one year anniversary of when I lost my mom. Since she died last year, this will be a year of seconds […]

you want nothing in return, I feel guilty.

December 15, 2020.Reading time 8 minutes.

I haven’t written on my blog in months. I haven’t abandoned it. I just haven’t had the words to say, I haven’t had the energy to convey how I’ve been feeling about anything. However, I felt compelled to so today. I want to think that I’m this person who is capable of talking about her […]

bittersweet stasis

October 11, 2020.Reading time 13 minutes.

I’ve started reading a book called “The Midnight Library” by my favorite author, Matt Haig. It’s about a 35 year old woman who decides to kill herself because nothing in her life is going right, and she feels she isn’t needed by anyone. But before she actually dies, she’s in between life and death- in […]

amy sumisu

Author: Amy Sumisu