an ode to chester bennington.

March 26, 2023.Reading time 11 minutes.

hello. I know, I know, I know. it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me. I’m still alive. I haven’t written in a good, long while. I haven’t felt like it. I haven’t been inspired. everything I’ve felt has just sort of been stuck and lodged inside of my brain. just sort of tangled up […]

hide from you, all of you

October 12, 2022.Reading time 10 minutes.

I can’t think. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to type. But I do, I so desperately want to type. I want to tell the world that doesn’t listen to what I have to say what has been happening in my life for the last 9 months. I want to scream into […]

I am the ghost who floats through time.

October 1, 2021.Reading time 9 minutes.

I don’t know where to begin. I want to rage and smash things. I want to bash in my keyboard for the words that I’m about to lay down. But all I can do is cry, hold and try to soothe myself. I want to know where in life I went wrong for some people […]

never mind me, I’m a waste of your time.

September 19, 2021.Reading time 3 minutes.

I hate feeling so much. I hate it. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to feel anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling such intense emotions, more than most anyone else feels. I’m not well right now. And I’m sure people who know me are just like, “meh… she’ll feel ok in a bit. […]

ode to a borderline.

August 23, 2021.Reading time 13 minutes.

I want to write. I’ve got so much on my mind. But also, my emotions are so intense that it’s hard to articulate these thoughts. The days and nights have been a blur. Don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. I feel lost and broken. Time has slowed down, like those early mornings back home […]

trapped inside the looking glass, tell me when will all this pass.

August 11, 2021.Reading time 4 minutes.

I’m waiting.I’m fading.I’m floating away.Don’t really want to see another day.But I’m going to stay. If I’m going to stay, I need reasons.I need reasons… big and small, if I’m going to stay alive. I don’t hear voices in my head, it’s not some kind of hallucination.But there is one voice that is so vicious […]

you were waiting in my sullen dream- my reality.

August 8, 2021.Reading time 12 minutes.

TW: suicide

over and over in my mind.

June 12, 2021.Reading time 1 minute.

you’re ugly.you’re alone.you’re unlovable.you’re already unloved.you’re not worthy.you’re nothing.you’re worthless.you’re useless.you won’t amount to anything.you’re better off dead.you’re a burden.you’re broken.so very broken.you’re not wanted.you never will be.they’re all lying to you.listen to me.only to me.I’m your only friend.I’m your worst enemy.you can’t get rid of me.I’m here forever.you’re uncomfortable.you can’t get away.I’m all that […]

This isn’t a suicide note.

March 19, 2021.Reading time 3 minutes.

Everyday I wake up with this existential dread, like why am I alive? Why bother? What’s the point? What am I even doing? There’s no place for me in the world. I’m not needed. I am of no significance. Sure people will miss me, but they’ll all move on with their lives. This void is […]

shadows of you.

January 25, 2021.Reading time 6 minutes.

I love writing. I hate writing.I love life. I hate life.I love myself. I hate myself.I love you. I hate you. One thing is for sure, I hate this month. Last week was the one year anniversary of when I lost my mom. Since she died last year, this will be a year of seconds […]

amy sumisu

Category: trauma