Can you hear me?
Where did you go? I can’t stop crying. I opened this post up to try and release something that’s stuck inside of me- like using a spatula and trying to scrape dried gum off of a table. I’m sitting here, my t-shirt and lap full of my own tears. I have nothing but white […]
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Sitting with myself is hard. Me, myself, and I. It’s lonely here, and my moods are unpleasant. I’m trying to listen to my therapist. I’m trying to do what she said. To just “be.” To sit here and just be in my emotions, even if they’re uncomfortable. Just feel them. Stop avoiding it, stop masking […]
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It’s been awhile since I’ve written- well over a month. I haven’t had the energy to find the words to say to convey the heaviness that circles in my mind. I try journaling on pen and paper to get these feelings out, but it doesn’t help much. This may not, either. The silence is loud. […]
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Subtle nightmares plague my waking thoughts, day in and day out. I can’t begin to describe how uncomfortable it is, being awake as they crawl underneath my skin. I can’t get them out of my body; they’ve fused with me. The nightmares have overtaken my thoughts and have made a home inside my brain. They […]
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My dissociation is bad today. I can’t focus on anything, not even writing this. I’m attempting to at least write a post though so I can ground myself to something. My heart is beating fast, my anxiety levels are high. I want to run away. I always want to run away. Why do I want […]
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I’m home. I’m in my room. I’m stripped down in nothing but a shirt and a sweater, and I lie here in bed, alone. My favorite vinyl spins as the song that has been cemented to the inside of my brain plays on. I’m staring out the window from under the lonely warmth of my […]
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I want to go home. I don’t belong here. In my solitude is where I’ve found something that could represent a home. My blood runs cold. Heavy tears fall from my eyes and the clouds rain on me. A glimmer of sunlight cracks between the dark clouds, the warmth trying to beckon me. I feel […]
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How do I feel? I’ve been here before, I’ve felt this. Retreat to a place, a place within me, I need this. Keep it all down bottled inside, it breaks me. To torment again, and torture me like it used to. Change / Staind / Break the Cycle I feel like I’m on fire. The […]
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Into the void. It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. I haven’t had the motivation or energy to put something out into the world. I also feel like I’ve said everything there is to say. I’ve just reached a point to where I’m just in the background of my own life, watching it pass […]
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I want to write. I have the urge. I feel the need to empty the thoughts and feelings and the contradicting feelings that tell me I’m vacant. I’m told I have a story to tell- but it’s all the same. This is all the same. These words I deliver into the universe haven’t been changing. […]
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amy sumisu 