I will (always) let you down.

I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been the best sleeper though. But lately, for months now, I stay awake until anywhere between 3am-7am. I can’t make my mind slow down. There’s always thoughts flowing in and out, swirling around and suffocating me. It’s nearly 5:30am, and I’m writing this post and crying too. My […]

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Unlock me, release me.

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve had alcohol. Sometimes it’s hard to drink… it reminds me too much of my mother and her addiction to it. I do my best to separate my experience from hers though. I don’t drink to drown out the demons in my head. I wish […]

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this place…

These four walls hold me tight they suffocate me until I’m nothing more than the ashes I once was the world I thought I knew is torn I’m awake but am I alive? I must be because the anger I feel swims through my veins am I breathing because I’m real? I’m screaming in my […]

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you don’t deserve a thing, imposter.

My life feels fake and not real. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel alone. I guess maybe most people do. I don’t know. Am I selfish for believing most don’t? Others may hide it better. Then again, I feel like I hide my emptiness and aloneness pretty […]

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you couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show.

Day in and day out, you’re tangled in this intricately endless web you’ve woven through your life. You weren’t aware of this web you’ve been weaving though. Over the course of time, little by little, the silken threads you used have become tattered and frayed, but they refuse to break or tear. You are solemn. […]

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Being Borderline means…

Oh… where do I begin? Endless uncertainty. Constant anxiety. Emotionally exhausted, to the point that it makes you physically exhausted. Deep sinking fear of the unknown. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of other peoples mood’s being ruined by you. Little things triggering you that normal people would brush off. Sensitivity that burns through your core. […]

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sparkling grey, you’ve gone away.

Where do I begin? Do I start with the present? The way my skin tingles, crawls, bleeds and burns? The way the endless tears stain my pillowcase and my face? The way my chest caves in on itself and I suddenly can’t breathe? Who could—who would—love someone like me? The flaws I carry are too […]

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benevolent sun.

The sound of my heart beating drowns out the fan on my dresser. My vision is blurry, but not due to tears. My bedroom is still. Everything is still. 24 hours ago, the ground beneath me shook. Everything was moving. I felt sick and my equilibrium was off. It felt like it lasted forever. I […]

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Enigmatic Static.

I want to write. I have the urge. I feel the need to empty the thoughts and feelings and the contradicting feelings that tell me I’m vacant. I’m told I have a story to tell- but it’s all the same. This is all the same. These words I deliver into the universe haven’t been changing. […]

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