tough girl, I’m in pain.

January 13, 2022.Reading time 6 minutes.

I should be sleeping, but I’m writing this instead. My head is spinning with so many thoughts, it’s difficult to keep myself tethered to the present. Can I organize my thoughts? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m hurting because my own brain has flooded me and is drowning me in my insecurities […]

never mind me, I’m a waste of your time.

September 19, 2021.Reading time 3 minutes.

I hate feeling so much. I hate it. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to feel anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling such intense emotions, more than most anyone else feels. I’m not well right now. And I’m sure people who know me are just like, “meh… she’ll feel ok in a bit. […]

over and over in my mind.

June 12, 2021.Reading time 1 minute.

you’re ugly.you’re alone.you’re unlovable.you’re already unloved.you’re not worthy.you’re nothing.you’re worthless.you’re useless.you won’t amount to anything.you’re better off dead.you’re a burden.you’re broken.so very broken.you’re not wanted.you never will be.they’re all lying to you.listen to me.only to me.I’m your only friend.I’m your worst enemy.you can’t get rid of me.I’m here forever.you’re uncomfortable.you can’t get away.I’m all that […]

I will (always) let you down.

September 21, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been the best sleeper though. But lately, for months now, I stay awake until anywhere between 3am-7am. I can’t make my mind slow down. There’s always thoughts flowing in and out, swirling around and suffocating me. It’s nearly 5:30am, and I’m writing this post and crying too. My […]

Unlock me, release me.

May 15, 2020.Reading time 4 minutes.

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve had alcohol. Sometimes it’s hard to drink… it reminds me too much of my mother and her addiction to it. I do my best to separate my experience from hers though. I don’t drink to drown out the demons in my head. I wish […]

this place…

April 10, 2020.Reading time 1 minute.

These four walls hold me tight they suffocate me until I’m nothing more than the ashes I once was the world I thought I knew is torn I’m awake but am I alive? I must be because the anger I feel swims through my veins am I breathing because I’m real? I’m screaming in my […]

you don’t deserve a thing, imposter.

January 4, 2020.Reading time 1 minute.

My life feels fake and not real. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I don’t belong here. I feel alone. I guess maybe most people do. I don’t know. Am I selfish for believing most don’t? Others may hide it better. Then again, I feel like I hide my emptiness and aloneness pretty […]

you couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show.

December 21, 2019.Reading time 6 minutes.

Day in and day out, you’re tangled in this intricately endless web you’ve woven through your life. You weren’t aware of this web you’ve been weaving though. Over the course of time, little by little, the silken threads you used have become tattered and frayed, but they refuse to break or tear. You are solemn. […]

Being Borderline means…

December 10, 2019.Reading time 8 minutes.

Oh… where do I begin? Endless uncertainty. Constant anxiety. Emotionally exhausted, to the point that it makes you physically exhausted. Deep sinking fear of the unknown. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of other peoples mood’s being ruined by you. Little things triggering you that normal people would brush off. Sensitivity that burns through your core. […]