Open Up, Let Me In… Let Me Go.

I’m knocking softly on 2019’s front door. I’m patiently waiting for it to open wide, to welcome me in, to tell me to make myself at home and that good things are awaiting me. The door is open, and I can walk in and find some source of life again. And yet, I still feel […]

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You and I Aren’t Meant to Be.

It seems as if though I’ve come to a full circle involving love and relationships. I’ve looked love deep in the eye and I’ve been vulnerable towards it. I’ve felt indifferent. I’ve felt indignation. And now I sit here, looking blankly and emptily inside love’s iris. Love has let me down, or maybe I’ve let […]

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Certainly Uncertain, But I’m Alive.

I’ve felt this way many times before. You know, that swirling feeling of uncertainty… but you know that feeling. It’s an uncertain familiar feeling. I realized that’s an oxymoron, but bear with me. For most of my life, I’ve lived in this fear, this uncertainty that has made itself a place inside my mind. I’m so […]

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Such A Waste; You’re Falling From Grace.

I didn’t know you long. I should’ve waited, should’ve given it more time before fusing my world with yours. Why was I impatient? I guess I was just so intrigued by you; I’d never known someone who was intertwined in their mind like I was. And yet, maybe we weren’t so alike after all. I […]

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Always Find My Place in the Uncertainty.

My mind aches. My head spins. My heart hurts deeply. My soul is breaking. My spirit has flown far away from me; far from the mess that has presented itself in my waking life. My dreams reveal all the confusion I’m too apprehensive to face when I’m awake. Apprehension and fear have held me back, […]

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My Muse.

I’ve waited endlessly through time. I’ve waited patiently, impatiently, nearly giving up, then taking back all the hope and faith I had let go. I have crawled through the wreckage, through hordes of people that once captivated me, through heartbreak, through blood, sweat, and tears. I nearly drowned in the darkness that overtook me in […]

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“Are You Even Present?”

My therapist asked me this yesterday. It took me a long time to realize that I am, in fact, not present in my life. I’m grateful. I’m grateful. I’M GRATEFUL. I swear to fucking god, I’m grateful for what I have. But… The darkness in me is telling me otherwise, though. I keep closing my […]

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Higher.

There’s so much yet so little I want to say. Every day I evolve. All these thoughts and ideas that flow through my mind. Some abstract and complex, others are so simple and complacent. I always want to be better than I am from the previous day. But after awhile, the days start blending together […]

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Believe Me, I’m Bulletproof.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt That is my mother’s favorite quote. She told me it often growing up. She’s not wrong. As each day passes, I feel myself get just a tiny bit stronger. It may not seem like much, like a millimeter everyday. But when you […]

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