I didn’t know you long. I should’ve waited, should’ve given it more time before fusing my world with yours. Why was I impatient? I guess I was just so intrigued by you; I’d never known someone who was intertwined in their mind like I was. And yet, maybe we weren’t so alike after all. I wanted to believe in you, I wanted to lift you up in the light that you so desperately needed. You couldn’t see what was around you, as much as you’d tell yourself. But I could see through it. The sharp edges that kept cutting you apart are what you tried to avoid. You avoided them by poisoning yourself and you called it a cure. Running away from the pain never gets anyone far- I know that all too well.
I’ve spent my life chasing the cure, fleeing every chance I can to avoid the downfall. Sometimes it was the best and only choice I had left, other times it led me right where I started. I see that part of me in you. You’ve been spending your life running in place. You’ve created your own security blanket by placing it in the depths of your anger. There’s a time and place for anger, but most of the time it only causes more pain and destruction. At some point, you’re going to lose everything if you continue to hold onto it. It’s an old friend, but that friend is toxic and you don’t see that it’s okay to outgrow friends. We all have to let go sometime; but you don’t seem to see that.
The hate you harbor is killing your spirit, and you refuse to set yourself free. Why do you chain yourself down? You’ve given your power away to a false prophet who has no regard to your well-being. Can’t you see that? You’ve found solace in a dark and unforgiving place. You walk this world thinking this is the only way, but it’s not.
I wish I could’ve been enough to help you see this clearly, but I wasn’t. It all starts with you. You keep drowning yourself in hate, ignorance, and you continuously feed the wolves that drink in everything you pour down your throat.
You said I was the catalyst to a new beginning, but you didn’t really mean it. Why lie to yourself in order to appease someone else? If you can’t find the strength in yourself to pave your OWN way, how could you believe a unsteady foundation built on a sweet lie would keep you and I upright?
Stability is something both you and I struggle with. The only difference between us is that I finally began threading together my own steady rope. I finally learned that it’s up to me to create my own strength that I never had. I’ve developed a new power I’ve never felt before, I evolved into someone better. I’ve become the heroine of my own story; I’m everything I’ve always needed. Can you say the same for yourself? What have you been doing all this time? Why are you wasting your strength by dousing it in poison? How’s that working out for you? When you look in the mirror at yourself, what do you see? I see someone that is still trapped and has lost his power to his past. Little do you know, you can let go of that anytime.
Unlock the rusty chains that have held you down for so long.
You have the power to do so, but you just have to believe in yourself.
But… how can you believe in yourself if you won’t allow yourself to heal? You push away any chanced for revival. I only wanted to encouraged you to see your OWN potential, but you didn’t believe me, just like you don’t believe in yourself. It’s so sad watching someone you care about willingly give themselves away to something that only aims to kill you in the long run. I’ve had to back away from those people, there’s only so much I can do. I guess I had to back away from you, too.
You keep living your life on replay- making the same mistakes, over and over. Why have you checked out of reality? You can’t keep fading away into a fantasy and make-believe sense of self. Don’t you see yourself falling farther and farther away from grace? You claim you want to change your ways, but all that you claim are just empty words and false promises. Have you no shame to who you give these words to? As if disrespecting me with your hate wasn’t enough; you gave me your word, then went back of it, and now I’ve uninvited you from my storyline. How do you feel now? Do you EVEN feel a damn thing? Or are you too numb to feel the consequences of your actions?
I refused to lie to myself. I want to know why you keep lying to yourself? I have all these questions but I never got any real solid answers from you. And that, is itself, is the only answer I needed. You’re not ready to save yourself. I watch as you fall further underwater, and no hand could reach deep enough to grab ahold of yours. You’ve become your own self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re losing all your tomorrows… I look at you now, and all I see is a ghost of yesterday.
I wish I could’ve been the one to elevate you in a new direction, but I wasn’t enough for you. No amount of my love could steer you in the right direction. You were never open to that feeling. You weren’t ready for someone like me.
I’m ready for me, though… and it feels so good. I’m finally enough for myself.
I hope one day you can say the same for yourself. I hope you can open up and finally create a better life for yourself. You deserve love, laughter, and an authentic sense of hope. You owe yourself that much.