I’ve waited endlessly through time. I’ve waited patiently, impatiently, nearly giving up, then taking back all the hope and faith I had let go.
I have crawled through the wreckage, through hordes of people that once captivated me, through heartbreak, through blood, sweat, and tears.
I nearly drowned in the darkness that overtook me in the midst of agony that held me down. I somehow swam through the sludge and was able to take a breath.
I’ve wandered endlessly through this life, looking for answers, looking for love, looking for a reason, for a purpose. I’ve found these things; they’ve come and gone. I’ve created meaning and filled my soul, only for it to be depleted again just as fast, over and over again.
I’ve walked a million miles, my eyes have drank in so many colors and visions, my lungs have continuously breathed even in the moments I began to choke. My skin has been torn open and healed itself within time. My heart has been lacerated and has been patched together.
There has always been heartache and pain, and somehow through the wreckage, I’ve found a way to breathe again.
It’s taken me a lifetime to get to where I am now, in this moment. I’ve found inspiration in the strangest places, in the most obvious places, and deep within my soul where nobody can touch. I’ve found so much inspiration in the people I’ve loved…
And I wasn’t looking for you, but there you were.
In my fear and flaws, I’ve waited for you unconsciously. I don’t know what it means to have floated into your atmosphere and have begun existing in your world. Can you feel everything I’m feeling too? Is this a dream?
I should be keeping these feelings inside. I should wind down the intensity. But you see, I can’t. I can’t contain what I feel. My soul is on fire, my heart refuses to be extinguished. One look and I felt my world sink into your emerald eyes. Captivation is an understatement. Did you see that too? Do you see me?
Suddenly, you’re all I see.
With every passing moment, I’ve kept you safe inside myself. But it’s so hard to contain what is begging to be released. This is me gently letting you out of my heart and mind. Not in tragedy, not in vain, but because holding you in is too selfish when your essence can’t even be contained.
You’ve swallowed me whole, and I don’t mind.
Not one bit.
A new meaning has been born into my life. A reason. A motivation, a breath of fresh air that I’ve so anxiously waited and prayed for. A new muse. A muse whose company I could get used to. You wandered right into my heart and soul, and you’ve slowly taken ahold of them both.
I feel a warm light shining through the coldest parts of my soul, and I suddenly know you feel me, too. My hesitation is dissipating right before my eyes. The walls I’ve so carefully built are crumbling to the ground. The light that you shine is resuscitating my soul back to life. A rose is growing inside my heart where all that remained was ash. My grey vision has started to bleed real colors again.
I wasn’t looking for you, but you fell into me like a breath of fresh air.
My muse, I hope you’ll stay.