Can you hear me?
My hands seem to be unclean, no matter how hard I try to scrub the blood off. It’s more like cement, fused into my skin even though it should be inside of me instead. There’s a lingering guilt that plagues me, even when I try to look away and not notice it… It’s always there. […]
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I’m a shadow in the dark, trying to put it back together, as I watch it fall apart. Nothing Makes Sense Anymore – Mike Shinoda / Post Traumatic I stood in the pitch black darkness. I was staring into the pacific ocean, on the Salt Creek beach in Dana Point, where I (mostly) grew up. […]
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Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Do you see me? Can you hear me? I’m looking into the dark and I thought I saw you there. I swear I did. I heard a familiar voice. It went away. You were there, too. But you went away. I can’t think of you or talk about you without […]
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I had a strange upbringing. Stability wasn’t a theme in my life––figuratively and literally. Most people I’ve encountered have only moved once or twice, others haven’t moved at all, and have stayed at their childhood home and never left their hometown except for college. I didn’t have that luxury. I moved more times than I […]
Read MoreIt’s difficult starting out blog posts, I’ve probably said it hundreds of times. But once the ideas and feelings soak through me, it pours out like ocean waves: sometimes gentle, and other times more intensely. I guess that’s who I am: gentle, but intense. I’m a lot of things. I have good qualities, bad qualities, […]
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I’ve been here hundreds of times in the last few months. I grab my laptop, or my phone. I log onto my blog, open a new post, and stare blankly at the blinding white vacant text box. The blinking cursor laughs at me. Nothing comes to mind.I give up and close the app or shut […]
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I was sitting in my therapists office today. I wasn’t completely present, not until she said something that resonated within me. Something I never quite thought of. “Being in a relationship in this time of your life actually hinders you from developing your own self. Your feeding your own energy into someone else in the […]
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I’ve got to be honest… My happiness depends on you. I don’t mean to put this burden on you, so I don’t dare say a thing. I will suffer in silence so you don’t know the storm that’s really inside of me. My well-being waits for you to be okay so that I can be […]
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Trigger warning: Self-harm and suicide
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Life has been feeling mundane lately. All I do is work, then go home, sleep, rinse and repeat. I still haven’t found meaning in my life… What’s wrong with me? I can’t be the only one who feels this way though. I feel debilitated by fear, these invisible chains holding me back from reaching anything. […]
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amy sumisu 