Half Alive in the Dead Space.

January 17, 2019.Reading time 8 minutes.

I’m at this place again, this moment where I’m stuck in my head and I can’t find the words to describe the thoughts racing through my mind. I can barely put it on paper, let alone type it out on my blog. I’m going to try anyway though. I don’t know what I want anymore. […]

Find Your Own Way Out.

November 8, 2018.Reading time 3 minutes.

I’m sitting here alone. Wanting to be somewhere but not sure where. Wanting to be around someone, but wanting solitude. How can those feelings exist at the same time? How do I sit with someone and say few words, and not feel uncomfortable and awkward? How can I have everything I want without feeling like […]

Reality and Dreams; Not What It Seems

November 6, 2018.Reading time 5 minutes.

I’m staring into traffic. I’m not in a car, I’m in my head. I’m sitting in a patio with music playing in my earbuds. But I’m staring, I’m not blinking, just staring into the vehicles that whizz by. I wonder if the people that are in those cars are daydreaming too. I wonder if they’re […]

Pirouetting Into My Prison.

October 16, 2018.Reading time 8 minutes.

There will never be enough blog entries to fully describe the indignation, anguish and hollowness that swirls inside of myself. I try over and over to drain it from my soul. I keep writing, hoping the next post will be the one that gets it all out in the open, far away from my cold heart. […]

Hello, I’m Still Here…

October 14, 2018.Reading time 9 minutes.

The change happened gradually. I couldn’t tell you when or where it began. It’s just one of life’s fleeting moments now… but why does it slip into my mind so often? Is my subconscious trying to relay a message to me now, 16 years later? At least, that’s when I really started to noticed it. […]

Shine A Light On Me.

October 7, 2018.Reading time 5 minutes.

I can’t find the words to say or write. I can’t seem to find a way to make sense out of the mess that’s inside my head. I’ve been here sifting through my mind trying to compile some sort of clear thought process, but I’m struggling. I’m drifting in and out of reality. I thought […]

Always Find My Place in the Uncertainty.

September 25, 2018.Reading time 8 minutes.

My mind aches. My head spins. My heart hurts deeply. My soul is breaking. My spirit has flown far away from me; far from the mess that has presented itself in my waking life. My dreams reveal all the confusion I’m too apprehensive to face when I’m awake. Apprehension and fear have held me back, […]

“Are You Even Present?”

August 30, 2018.Reading time 7 minutes.

My therapist asked me this yesterday. It took me a long time to realize that I am, in fact, not present in my life. I’m grateful. I’m grateful. I’M GRATEFUL. I swear to fucking god, I’m grateful for what I have. But… The darkness in me is telling me otherwise, though. I keep closing my […]

Who Knew– I Think I Did.

July 30, 2018.Reading time 6 minutes.

Have you ever met someone who came into your life without a moments notice, buried themselves deep inside your heart, only to leave just as fast? Did they look into your eyes as if they could see all the ways you were broken? Did they come in and heal you nearly night after night, only […]

The Void.

July 25, 2018.Reading time 6 minutes.

I look at you. I look down. I look at myself. I look away. I try to meet your eyes, but the path into your iris is dead. I think I killed it on my end before we locked our visions together. The road is lost. I laid it to rest because why try when […]

amy sumisu

Tag: lost