The ocean will remain.

Reality and dreams, nothing is ever as it seems. I don’t know what lies beyond the horizon. I’m closing my eyes, imagining all the possibilities. Calculating every choice and every decision I could make. It’s overwhelming… but I’m still breathing. I’m alive. When the dark clouds of misery wash over me, and I feel the […]

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el sol saldrá de nuevo.

I’m so cold. I’m losing my soul. Where did you go? I’m staring up into the sky. Asking myself why. Is this really goodbye?   The building we built. The tower we scaled. I couldn’t have imagined it. It was a thing of beauty. You were right before my eyes. An image of true love […]

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crossing the street to find home.

Somewhere in time, I remember the very first time I felt alone. I’ve spoken of it on here, so I won’t go into so much detail. But I was a little kid, I must’ve been 7 or 8. This sudden all-consuming darkness washed over me, something that to this day is still very hard to […]

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sparkling grey, you’ve gone away.

Where do I begin? Do I start with the present? The way my skin tingles, crawls, bleeds and burns? The way the endless tears stain my pillowcase and my face? The way my chest caves in on itself and I suddenly can’t breathe? Who could—who would—love someone like me? The flaws I carry are too […]

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Open Up, Let Me In… Let Me Go.

I’m knocking softly on 2019’s front door. I’m patiently waiting for it to open wide, to welcome me in, to tell me to make myself at home and that good things are awaiting me. The door is open, and I can walk in and find some source of life again. And yet, I still feel […]

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You and I Aren’t Meant to Be.

It seems as if though I’ve come to a full circle involving love and relationships. I’ve looked love deep in the eye and I’ve been vulnerable towards it. I’ve felt indifferent. I’ve felt indignation. And now I sit here, looking blankly and emptily inside love’s iris. Love has let me down, or maybe I’ve let […]

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Time Is Telling Me, “This Is Gonna Hurt.”

Isn’t it wild that it’s already November? The years go by so fast now as I get older. A strange phenomenon. Life seems to pass by slowly as a kid, because that’s just the beginning of your life. As we age, we have more of a past that we can reflect on, thus making it […]

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Reality and Dreams; Not What It Seems

I’m staring into traffic. I’m not in a car, I’m in my head. I’m sitting in a patio with music playing in my earbuds. But I’m staring, I’m not blinking, just staring into the vehicles that whizz by. I wonder if the people that are in those cars are daydreaming too. I wonder if they’re […]

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Certainly Uncertain, But I’m Alive.

I’ve felt this way many times before. You know, that swirling feeling of uncertainty… but you know that feeling. It’s an uncertain familiar feeling. I realized that’s an oxymoron, but bear with me. For most of my life, I’ve lived in this fear, this uncertainty that has made itself a place inside my mind. I’m so […]

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Pirouetting Into My Prison.

There will never be enough blog entries to fully describe the indignation, anguish and hollowness that swirls inside of myself. I try over and over to drain it from my soul. I keep writing, hoping the next post will be the one that gets it all out in the open, far away from my cold heart. […]

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