crossing the street to find home.

Somewhere in time, I remember the very first time I felt alone. I’ve spoken of it on here, so I won’t go into so much detail. But I was a little kid, I must’ve been 7 or 8. This sudden all-consuming darkness washed over me, something that to this day is still very hard to […]

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Unlock me, release me.

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve had alcohol. Sometimes it’s hard to drink… it reminds me too much of my mother and her addiction to it. I do my best to separate my experience from hers though. I don’t drink to drown out the demons in my head. I wish […]

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crying out for a song.

I sit and stare at it. The piano. My piano. Music flows into my ears and through my veins when I hit play on my phone. But when I look at my piano, I can’t feel it anymore. I feel like a fraud. How dare I have this instrument when I don’t even play it. […]

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the illusion of progress.

It’s hard to care for something that doesn’t concern you anymore. It’s hard to care for anything––including yourself––when this mood consumes you. I want to run away, but I haven’t got the energy to even barely pick up my feet and leave the house. After my therapy session today, I forced myself to go for […]

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this place…

These four walls hold me tight they suffocate me until I’m nothing more than the ashes I once was the world I thought I knew is torn I’m awake but am I alive? I must be because the anger I feel swims through my veins am I breathing because I’m real? I’m screaming in my […]

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how did you know to get out of a world gone mad?

Where did you go?   I can’t stop crying. I opened this post up to try and release something that’s stuck inside of me- like using a spatula and trying to scrape dried gum off of a table. I’m sitting here, my t-shirt and lap full of my own tears. I have nothing but white […]

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you are the ocean, and I am broken.

I am overwhelmed. I am broken. I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to convey my thoughts into a coherent sentence. I am on auto pilot. I am broken. I am broken. I am broken. I want to write a post. I do, I really do. […]

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retrograde / regress

Is time moving backwards? Is all the progress I’ve made falling away? Maybe everything I thought was progress really wasn’t anything. It’s either going in reverse, or it’s frozen. Frozen in time. I’ve locked myself up in every sense. It’s hard to open up again… I mean, it was never easy. But I felt my walls […]

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