the illusion of progress.

It’s hard to care for something that doesn’t concern you anymore. It’s hard to care for anything––including yourself––when this mood consumes you. I want to run away, but I haven’t got the energy to even barely pick up my feet and leave the house. After my therapy session today, I forced myself to go for […]

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this place…

These four walls hold me tight they suffocate me until I’m nothing more than the ashes I once was the world I thought I knew is torn I’m awake but am I alive? I must be because the anger I feel swims through my veins am I breathing because I’m real? I’m screaming in my […]

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how did you know to get out of a world gone mad?

Where did you go?   I can’t stop crying. I opened this post up to try and release something that’s stuck inside of me- like using a spatula and trying to scrape dried gum off of a table. I’m sitting here, my t-shirt and lap full of my own tears. I have nothing but white […]

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you are the ocean, and I am broken.

I am overwhelmed. I am broken. I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to convey my thoughts into a coherent sentence. I am on auto pilot. I am broken. I am broken. I am broken. I want to write a post. I do, I really do. […]

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retrograde / regress

Is time moving backwards? Is all the progress I’ve made falling away? Maybe everything I thought was progress really wasn’t anything. It’s either going in reverse, or it’s frozen. Frozen in time. I’ve locked myself up in every sense. It’s hard to open up again… I mean, it was never easy. But I felt my walls […]

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dancing with the devil

Little one With your silken flesh Open your eyes You’re no better than the rest You dance with the devil Under the dim lights With a hundred voices telling you, “It’s time to end your life.” Little one You can’t bury the pain As much as you beg for solace There’s no hope for you […]

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sparkling grey, you’ve gone away.

Where do I begin? Do I start with the present? The way my skin tingles, crawls, bleeds and burns? The way the endless tears stain my pillowcase and my face? The way my chest caves in on itself and I suddenly can’t breathe? Who could—who would—love someone like me? The flaws I carry are too […]

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