I am the ghost who floats through time.

I don’t know where to begin. I want to rage and smash things. I want to bash in my keyboard for the words that I’m about to lay down. But all I can do is cry, hold and try to soothe myself. I want to know where in life I went wrong for some people […]

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never mind me, I’m a waste of your time.

I hate feeling so much. I hate it. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to feel anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling such intense emotions, more than most anyone else feels. I’m not well right now. And I’m sure people who know me are just like, “meh… she’ll feel ok in a bit. […]

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3:15am

Life is so unpredictable. I don’t know why it surprises me, I mean… it shouldn’t. Existence is just so random. Being human is bizarre. Being human can be really great, but being human also hurts. Sometimes I wonder if it hurts more for others? Does it hurt more for people like me? I just can’t […]

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ode to a borderline.

I want to write. I’ve got so much on my mind. But also, my emotions are so intense that it’s hard to articulate these thoughts. The days and nights have been a blur. Don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. I feel lost and broken. Time has slowed down, like those early mornings back home […]

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my reply.

“A willingness to try…” How do you tell someone you both want to try, but also will give up constantly and wish to die?

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over and over in my mind.

you’re ugly.you’re alone.you’re unlovable.you’re already unloved.you’re not worthy.you’re nothing.you’re worthless.you’re useless.you won’t amount to anything.you’re better off dead.you’re a burden.you’re broken.so very broken.you’re not wanted.you never will be.they’re all lying to you.listen to me.only to me.I’m your only friend.I’m your worst enemy.you can’t get rid of me.I’m here forever.you’re uncomfortable.you can’t get away.I’m all that […]

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This isn’t a suicide note.

Everyday I wake up with this existential dread, like why am I alive? Why bother? What’s the point? What am I even doing? There’s no place for me in the world. I’m not needed. I am of no significance. Sure people will miss me, but they’ll all move on with their lives. This void is […]

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bittersweet stasis

I’ve started reading a book called “The Midnight Library” by my favorite author, Matt Haig. It’s about a 35 year old woman who decides to kill herself because nothing in her life is going right, and she feels she isn’t needed by anyone. But before she actually dies, she’s in between life and death- in […]

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I will (always) let you down.

I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been the best sleeper though. But lately, for months now, I stay awake until anywhere between 3am-7am. I can’t make my mind slow down. There’s always thoughts flowing in and out, swirling around and suffocating me. It’s nearly 5:30am, and I’m writing this post and crying too. My […]

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