I miss the colors of the world.

It’s been 2 months since I’ve written a post. I’m sitting here trying to find the words to say, and it’s depleting my energy quickly. My head is cloudy, and my hands feel so heavy. I don’t want to type. I don’t know what to say. I have moments in the day where I feel […]

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The ocean will remain.

Reality and dreams, nothing is ever as it seems. I don’t know what lies beyond the horizon. I’m closing my eyes, imagining all the possibilities. Calculating every choice and every decision I could make. It’s overwhelming… but I’m still breathing. I’m alive. When the dark clouds of misery wash over me, and I feel the […]

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the glass box.

I shouldn’t be awake right now. I should be sleeping… but I’m haunted again by one of my worst memories. My eyes try to release it as much as they can. My tears understand. My pillow is damp. I’m frozen. I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep until I let this out. I wanted to leave […]

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fade away into the dark where no one will see.

Conceal it, don’t feel it. Don’t let it show. Don’t let them know. These things I feel… they don’t matter. But I feel them anyway even though they mean nothing. Nobody really wants to know what lies beyond the surface of my skin. Perhaps I tell myself this to save everyone else from getting pulled […]

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el sol saldrá de nuevo.

I’m so cold. I’m losing my soul. Where did you go? I’m staring up into the sky. Asking myself why. Is this really goodbye?   The building we built. The tower we scaled. I couldn’t have imagined it. It was a thing of beauty. You were right before my eyes. An image of true love […]

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crossing the street to find home.

Somewhere in time, I remember the very first time I felt alone. I’ve spoken of it on here, so I won’t go into so much detail. But I was a little kid, I must’ve been 7 or 8. This sudden all-consuming darkness washed over me, something that to this day is still very hard to […]

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Unlock me, release me.

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve had alcohol. Sometimes it’s hard to drink… it reminds me too much of my mother and her addiction to it. I do my best to separate my experience from hers though. I don’t drink to drown out the demons in my head. I wish […]

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crying out for a song.

I sit and stare at it. The piano. My piano. Music flows into my ears and through my veins when I hit play on my phone. But when I look at my piano, I can’t feel it anymore. I feel like a fraud. How dare I have this instrument when I don’t even play it. […]

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the illusion of progress.

It’s hard to care for something that doesn’t concern you anymore. It’s hard to care for anything––including yourself––when this mood consumes you. I want to run away, but I haven’t got the energy to even barely pick up my feet and leave the house. After my therapy session today, I forced myself to go for […]

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