you want nothing in return, I feel guilty.

I haven’t written on my blog in months. I haven’t abandoned it. I just haven’t had the words to say, I haven’t had the energy to convey how I’ve been feeling about anything. However, I felt compelled to so today. I want to think that I’m this person who is capable of talking about her […]

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lost, still not found.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written- well over a month. I haven’t had the energy to find the words to say to convey the heaviness that circles in my mind. I try journaling on pen and paper to get these feelings out, but it doesn’t help much. This may not, either. The silence is loud. […]

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Find Your Own Way Out.

I’m sitting here alone. Wanting to be somewhere but not sure where. Wanting to be around someone, but wanting solitude. How can those feelings exist at the same time? How do I sit with someone and say few words, and not feel uncomfortable and awkward? How can I have everything I want without feeling like […]

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Holding Onto To What I Haven’t Got.

I know the better part of me is smart, logical, nimble, and quick in my mind. I’m aware of what’s happening around me. I can process this information and let it coarse through the neurotransmitters, synapses and retain the information. I don’t forget when it really matters. But then there’s the other part of me… […]

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Blissful Paradoxical Disguise.

I see you… You watch me from the corner of the room. You watch me from the depths of my soul. You gaze ever so sinisterly in my direction. You want it all to end. You want me to give up. My emotional shadow is too much for you. You want to swallow it whole […]

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I Will Not Abandon Ship.

Life has been feeling mundane lately. All I do is work, then go home, sleep, rinse and repeat. I still haven’t found meaning in my life… What’s wrong with me? I can’t be the only one who feels this way though. I feel debilitated by fear, these invisible chains holding me back from reaching anything. […]

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Depression is…

Depression is me laying in bed all morning, all afternoon. It’s me aimlessly staring into my phone, swiping through apps, as if the answer to my life’s problems are going to reveal themselves. Depression is me looking for the will to try to make a change, to better my life, but unable to tap into […]

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Kintsugi.

My cup is neither full nor empty. The vessel itself is cracked, therefore nothing really stays inside. Since the accident, I’ve felt even more incomplete than normal. Nothing seems to just stay inside and warm me up. My thoughts are jumbled or blank. I have nothing much to say. Everything feels like a void. I […]

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Reflection, Progress, Dissociate, Repeat…

Looking back at 2017, it’s amazing (and scary) how fast time flies by. I mean, it’s already November. Sometimes it feels like I never left, and sometimes I get trapped in this place where I wonder if things have really changed. Then I look around and realize while my body is completely removed, my mind […]

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