I Can’t Change Who I Am…

Reflecting on my life, I see a pattern when it comes to people. People I like, people I love, people I’ve tried too hard for… it feels like I try more for them. I try to make them like me and want to be friends/lovers with me. I’m seeking validation in possibly the wrong people. […]

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Shame Still Circles Beneath Me.

Been having the worst writers block lately. I’m trying to force myself to write, but the shit that comes out hardly makes sense to me. I had a bit of a meltdown last night, alone in my room. I haven’t cried as hard as I did in a long time. It’s like everything I’ve been […]

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Diamond in the Rough.

There are so many things I want to say, but they are confined underneath my skin. They are suffocating with each thought that passes by. They want someone to hear them, but the forcefield of my own being refuses to let them go. If only I could let them go… I will try to release […]

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Fly, Eagles, Fly… Far away from here.

It’s hard to write this, but I have to. I’ve mentioned that this time of the year is hard because it’s football season, and my ex is a die-hard Philadelphia Eagles fan. I mean, I don’t blame him. That’s where he’s from. Gotta rep your team. I just caught a bit of tonight’s game, it […]

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Depression is…

Depression is me laying in bed all morning, all afternoon. It’s me aimlessly staring into my phone, swiping through apps, as if the answer to my life’s problems are going to reveal themselves. Depression is me looking for the will to try to make a change, to better my life, but unable to tap into […]

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Somewhere beyond the “Otherside”

My head is buzzing. The sound frequencies and wavelengths are churning inside my mind. I lie awake and stare at the wall, as if the answer to my problems are going to seep through the paint and wash away the indignation and pain. I’m not having a pity party, I legit question the universe as […]

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Reflection, Progress, Dissociate, Repeat…

Looking back at 2017, it’s amazing (and scary) how fast time flies by. I mean, it’s already November. Sometimes it feels like I never left, and sometimes I get trapped in this place where I wonder if things have really changed. Then I look around and realize while my body is completely removed, my mind […]

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Existential crisis forever.

I was working today, and I work hard. I work in a coffee shop, but I don’t make the coffee. I’m the bar back, the “runner,” in other words, the bitch of the shop. While I’m running around, doing everything to fill in the gaps of the people behind the bar, there’s a voice screaming […]

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Mental illness is real.

This is the face of depression. The face that suffered silently. Someone who felt that it was all too much to handle anymore. Someone who saved me and thousands upon thousands of others… A golden soul who hurt so much that he took his life 3 months ago. This is Chester Bennington, the lead singer […]

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Music and my everlasting dream.

It’s late, and I should be sleeping because I have to work tomorrow… but I need to get this off my chest. I attended a Dream Theater show tonight, it was my 3rd time seeing them. They never cease to amaze me and always put on a spectacular show. Sometimes I think they’re superhuman (which […]

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