Can you hear me?
My hands seem to be unclean, no matter how hard I try to scrub the blood off. It’s more like cement, fused into my skin even though it should be inside of me instead. There’s a lingering guilt that plagues me, even when I try to look away and not notice it… It’s always there. […]
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I’m a shadow in the dark, trying to put it back together, as I watch it fall apart. Nothing Makes Sense Anymore – Mike Shinoda / Post Traumatic I stood in the pitch black darkness. I was staring into the pacific ocean, on the Salt Creek beach in Dana Point, where I (mostly) grew up. […]
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I was sitting in my therapists office today. I wasn’t completely present, not until she said something that resonated within me. Something I never quite thought of. “Being in a relationship in this time of your life actually hinders you from developing your own self. Your feeding your own energy into someone else in the […]
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I’ve lost myself in everyone else but me. My own soul doesn’t live here, it hasn’t for some time. It’s sad and it’s frustrating… I feel empty constantly. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, I struggle with these two things: unstable sense of self, and chronic feelings of emptiness. My therapist tells me I need […]
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Been having the worst writers block lately. I’m trying to force myself to write, but the shit that comes out hardly makes sense to me. I had a bit of a meltdown last night, alone in my room. I haven’t cried as hard as I did in a long time. It’s like everything I’ve been […]
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You may think I’m weird, that’s okay. I’m writing this at the Roxy Theater in LA. I’m waiting for 10 Years to take the stage. I came here alone. That’s also okay. I’m used to doing things alone. Earbuds in my ears to protect what hearing I have left (ha), overpriced 12oz beer in hand… […]
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Today would’ve been K and I’s 5 year anniversary. A bittersweet day, indeed. January 23, 2013… That’s the day I knew he was the one for me. He had tried to ask me to be fully committed to him prior to this day, but I was unsure because I was still healing from a previous […]
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In all of my moments, all of my fleeting moments… The emotions that flood over me, the ones that are black and white; the colors of my tears that change faster than you could take another breath; the agony of another thought that pushes me under my skin, the place where I want to get […]
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Every year, I buy a new journal to write in. I need a clean slate from the writings of the prior year. However, I forgot to buy one for 2018, so my first entry will have to be on my blog. I’ll buy one tomorrow. It’s wild how the years go by so fast… you […]
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There are so many things I want to say, but they are confined underneath my skin. They are suffocating with each thought that passes by. They want someone to hear them, but the forcefield of my own being refuses to let them go. If only I could let them go… I will try to release […]
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amy sumisu 